


Sidewalk Wanking

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Not Epilogue Compliant, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-War, Slash, The Quidditch Pitch: Self Pleasure, The Quidditch Pitch: The Changing Room, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-02
Updated: 2009-10-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 01:47:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10799160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: A snippet from Real Life.  You can’t make this stuff up.





	Sidewalk Wanking

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
> **Author's notes:**
> 
> _I wrote: “Driving to the drugstore/pharmacy/chemist just now, I passed a bloke walking down the street with his hand jammed halfway to the elbow down his jeans.  Based on positioning and everything, he had to be groping himself.  And I got the impression (I was driving, after all, and couldn’t take the time to get the details exact) that his belt was flapping open.  I swear he was having a good wank as he strolled down the sidewalk of our very proper suburb.”_
> 
> _and Madam_Minnie immediately demanded it be turned into crackfic._

  
Author's notes:

On your head be it, Minnie…

* * *

Sidewalk Wanking

by Brumeux

You’re walking home from the drugstore, your prescription renewal in your pocket.  You’re very distracted—the deadline is approaching for the Weasley exchange fest and you haven’t an idea what you’re going to do.  The twins are always tempting, but perhaps overused.  Charlie: well, about the only thing that hasn’t been done with Charlie is an orgy with multiple dragons.  Now Bill…  Bill is a favourite of yours, and you haven’t written him in a while.

 

Non-DH compliant of course: you need him unmarried (slash fest, infidelity sucks, and who wants that annoying Fleur around anyway).  Actually, that means non-HBP compliant too, to avoid the engagement—and that has the added attraction of no need of scarring.  So far so good.  Actually…  You wonder, just where is the line between non-compliance and AU?  And who can you ask for a definitive answer?  Because if you change that one little thing in __Goblet of Fire__ …

 

You’ll have to check those passages in __Goblet__ as well.  Something like…

  _ _ _Bill_ _was—there was no other word for it—cool.  He was tall, with long hair that he had tied back in a ponytail.  He was wearing an earring with what looked like a fang dangling from it.___  

Yes; you’re sure that’s going to go perfectly.  Do you need to explain that for 14-year-old Harry, “cool” is merely an unrecognised synonym for “hot”?  And

  _ _four beds had been squeezed into the room.  “Fred and George are in here with us, because Bill and Charlie are in their room,” _Ron_ _told Harry.___  

Yes.  That’s it.  You only have to make a little tweak.

 

Oops!  You almost stepped off the curb into traffic there.  Perhaps you should wait until you get home to carry on with this.

 

But you forget this the next moment.  Plot bunnies can wait, but PWP bunnies tend to be a little more insistent.

 

So how will it go?  ___Ron_ _and_ _Harry_ _went up to_ _Ron_ _’s room, expecting two extra beds for the twins, but finding only three._ _Bill_ _showed up right after them.  He’d told Mum that it was silly to throw the twins out of their room and make_ _Ron_ _’s so very crowded.___   Yes, you think; that would make sense and be very much in character for Bill.  __The younger boys quickly changed into pyjamas and slipped into their beds whilst _Bill_ _untied his hair and put his earring on the table.  As he stripped off, he sensed_ _Harry_ _’s eyes on him.  So he made a little show of it.  Subtly, of course._ _Harry_ _was in deep shadow—it was easy for_ _Bill_ _to pretend he didn’t notice the boy.  When he was naked, he gave a tug on his bollocks.___   You imagine Harry’s face.  Of course, he’s never seen a grown man in the altogether.  Never seen an adult set of bits.  Never seen anybody fondle his bits either.  You think Bill will notice this too, out of the corner of his eye.  ___Harry_ _’s mouth was not quite open, he thought; and it was just possible that his eyes could open wider.  He wondered how_ _Harry_ _could believe he was truly unobserved.  Bill’s cock swelled a bit from the attention, and he gave it a stroke or two before settling down on his bed.___   Bill wanking.  What an enticing thought.  Your own trousers are getting a trifle tight, and you reach down to adjust them a bit.

 

No.  You revise your thought.  Bill wouldn’t be wanking because of a kid.  Exhibitionism yes; wanking no.  You think a bit.  Obviously, Harry’s not into serious stroking yet, so what can Bill do without wanking?

 

___Bill_ _stretched himself out on his camp bed.  A little scratch behind the bollocks flopped his plump prick up onto his belly, and it lolled from side to side and up onto the back of his hand as he continued scratching through his red curls.  He could hear_ _Harry_ _panting, and a sticky little sound that suggested that pre-cum had been collected between_ _Harry_ _’s busy fingers and his hard-on.___   Good.  That’s exciting you; it should get to the reader as well.  Maybe you should have bought a slightly larger pair of jeans.

 

What next?  Well, you suppose it would be all right if Bill got an erection as long as he didn’t jerk off to thoughts of a fourteen-year-old.  Okay.  You go with that.  ___Bill_ _began to rub slow small circles below his navel with one hand and to tease at his nipples with the other.  He smiled as_ _Harry_ _’s breathing became more laboured.  The thought that someone was finding his nudity so arousing caused more blood to get trapped in the tissues of his cock until he was fully hard.___ __

__A poorly suppressed gasp announced_ _Harry_ _’s orgasm had finally overcome him.  Bill hid his grin by turning over on his side, presenting his bum for_ _Harry_ _’s consideration as he came down from his high._ _

Very good.  You heave a little breath yourself as your own excitement eases slightly.

 

That’s fine, you think; but it doesn’t really move you along.  It’s really only set the stage: just backstory.  Now for the main event.  You ponder timing.  When will they get together for real, and who will make the move?

 

After the death of Voldemort, that’s easy.  Another family party at the Weasleys?  But what will you do with Ron then?  Skinny-dipping at the pond presents the question of why no one is sharing the time with them.

 

A more immediate question though is—why are you rubbing your hand over the crotch of your jeans?  You realise the PWP bunny has leapt ahead of mere plot considerations; disregarded the importance of motive; and in fact already has presented you with the picture of Harry pinning Bill to a wall, his hands on either side of Bill’s head and his tongue reaching for Bill’s tonsils.  Bill’s hands meanwhile have latched onto Harry’s arse, pulling him in tight so their erections (they would surely have erections by this point) are pressed together.

 

You need to make another adjustment to get your own erection a little more comfortable in your jeans.

 

___Bill_ _scrabbled at_ _Harry_ _’s belt and flies.  When they were finally opened, he shoved them down to_ _Harry_ _’s knees, quickly followed by his pants._ _Harry_ _pulled away from the kiss, breathing hard.  “I’ve wanted you so long,_ _Bill_ _.  I wanted you when I was fourteen and I never stopped.”_ _ _ __ __

_“I know,” said_ _Bill_ _.  “I was watching you pull yourself off the night before the World Quidditch Cup.  I thought it was sweet that I excited you so much.  Well, not sweet exactly.  But I was honoured by your attention.”_

__

_“So you did all that deliberately?”_

__

_“As deliberately as this,”_ _Bill_ _said as he slid down the wall.  With one hand he pulled_ _Harry_ _’s cock down a little, the better to engulf it with his mouth.  His other hand disappeared between_ _Harry_ _’s legs._

__

You become frustrated by the thick denim between your hand and your dick.  You make short work of your belt buckle and the top button of your jeans.  You slip your hand into your briefs and seize your stiff rod.  In your mind, you skip past the spell lubing Bill’s fingers so they can slide inside Harry’s passage.  You skip past the various ways Bill licks and sucks.  You jump to Harry’s groans as Bill’s questing fingers reach his prostate.

 

 

 

The car hits the curb but doesn’t ride up onto the grass.  You see the shocked gaze of the driver before he returns his attention to the road and his steering.  You realise you’ve been walking down the street in the middle of the day so concentrated on wanking that you’ve forgotten where you were.  As a matter of fact, if you hadn’t almost caused an accident you were on the point of coming in your pants.

 

Rapidly you fasten your clothing, your arousal completely gone.  You sic a mental jackal on that damned bunny and concentrate for the rest of your walk home on Filch doing a striptease for McGonagall as she masturbates with Crookshank’s tail; on Snape tied to a bed while Dumbledore buggers him with a twelve-inch dildo; on Dobby wanking to… well, it doesn’t much matter.  Dobby wanking is distressing enough.

 

You reach home without disturbing any more drivers.

 

… But Bill and Harry are waiting for you.


End file.
